Have you ever been so emotionally wound up that you lose sense of time? Do you have days when your feelings are so out of control, you don’t know how to reel them back in? I definitely have been there, more than a few times. Dissociation used to be a daily occurrence for me.
One time in particular, I was really stressed out, about to head to a job I truly hated. I was navigating postpartum at the time, verbal abuse from a narcissist, and my job was not a pleasant environment. I blacked out. I lost an entire hour. One moment, I was backing out of my driveway and the next, I was clocking into work. It freaked me out so bad, I ended up going to a 72 hour hospital that night.
I wish I had known even one of the tips I’m about to share. It’s one of those “if only I knew then what I know now” situations. Had I been better equipped, things wouldn’t have gotten so out of hand for me. I’m going to share 5 grounding techniques for emotional distress, and I hope they help you as much as they’ve helped me.
1. Box Breathing
The first technique I learned was box breathing. This is something I still do today as a part of my meditation. You can do this anywhere you want, sitting or standing. I always sit crisscross applesauce on the floor and close my eyes.
Once you have your eyes closed, inhale for four seconds, hold the breath for four seconds. Exhale for four seconds and hold that for four seconds. If you can’t hold your breath for four seconds, you can play with the time. Same goes if you can hold your breath for longer—just make sure you adjust the time in the rest of the exercise to reflect the change. For example, if you change the seconds you inhale to 6, make sure you’re holding for 6, exhaling for 6, etc.
An awesome thing about box breathing is that it has physical benefits as well as mental. Besides reducing stress and helping to make you calm and relaxed, box breathing can help lower your blood pressure. This breathing technique can also help improve your future reactions to stress. In other words, fit it into your daily routine.
When I was seeing my life coach, she encouraged me to create a routine including box breathing, so I was sitting down to do this around the same time every day. It was extremely helpful in my morning routine, but fitting in anywhere into your day is going to give you the same benefits.
2. Color Breathing
Another great grounding technique that involves focused breathing is called coloring breathing, also known as chromotherapy. This is a quick exercise where you visualize a certain color that means something to you and you use it to help you relax. The color should be one that makes you feel calm and soothed.
Once you have the color in mind, you close your eyes and take three deep breaths. See the color you chose and imagine you are inhaling that color into your body with every breath you take. Imagine the color flowing throughout your body, expanding and pushing the negative thoughts and feelings out.
Unlike box breathing, there’s no recommended time to practice this technique. Continue it until you feel calm, and your body is relaxed, then allow your mind to return to the present moment.
With breath work, an important thing to note is make sure you are breathing deeply. These breaths will be what my life coach called “belly breaths” because that’s where you will feel the inhale. More specifically, you’ll feel it in your diaphragm. You can place your hand across your belly, just below your ribs, and feel it rise with every breath you take. Do this until you get used to taking the deep breaths.
3. 5-4-3-2-1
The most popular grounding technique is the 5-4-3-2-1 method. It’s good to use when you’re out and about and cannot close your eyes to visualize. This one is perfect to prevent dissociation. The best part about it is that you can use it no matter where you are.
Once you feel strong emotions beginning to rise, look for 5 things you can see and count them off in your mind, or in a whisper if you prefer. “I’m at the grocery store. I see a shopping cart, a blue shirt, a fruit display, a sales sign, and a store employee.”
After the 5 things you can see, name 4 things you can touch. “My feet are touching my shoes, my hands are touching the shopping cart, my sweater is touching my skin, and I can touch the strap of my bag.”
The next is 3 things you can hear. “I can hear the buzzing of the freezer, a child talking to his mother, and the beeping of a cashier ringing up someone’s purchases.”
Then you become aware of 2 things you can smell. “I smell the bleach they used to clean the floors, and the lady standing next to me—she’s wearing a fruity perfume.”
Finally, you find one thing you can taste. What is the taste in your mouth? Maybe it’s the coffee you drank on your way to the store, or a mint you ate after dinner. By now, you should be feeling grounded and more in your body.
This exercise is great for practicing mindfulness. You can pull yourself back into the present moment from an unbiased perspective—it allows you to remove feelings from the situation.
4. Cloud Thoughts
This grounding technique reminds me of when I was little, and I would try to find pictures in the clouds. While it was so simple at the time, it brought me joy to use my imagination to see things in the sky above me. These visualizations take some amount of imagination, but this one requires perhaps the most of all.
Close your eyes and imagine a vast sky above you. The brightest blue sky you can envision, and there are big, puffy clouds everywhere. On each cloud is a thought, whatever thought your mind assigns to that cloud. Just watch each thought float by, without judgement or engagement.
As the clouds float by slowly in the sky, just be aware of what thought is written on them. Simply observe. Then, become aware of the thoughts that are negative. Anything you associate with negativity, imagine that cloud is floating away, far out of your vision, away from your sky.
This technique feels basic, but it can give insight to how your mind works. You can practice this every so often, every day if you choose, and gain knowledge to how your thoughts flow.
Are your thoughts negative? If they are, in what way? Are the self-doubting? Do they hold you back from achieving your goals?
5. Textures
Another way to ground yourself is by exploring textures. Holding different objects in your hands can bring your mind back to the present. It can help clear anxiety or negative thoughts and steer you back to the current moment.
Because this exercise can require a range of physical objects, this one may only be suitable for your home. You can play around with having an area in your house dedicated to helping you ground, though, and creating a space with textured objects is a good way to begin.
For this technique, gather objects with various textures. These objects can be blocks, fidgets, or cloths. The textures can be smooth, bumpy, or rough. You’ll want many things that you can use different adjectives to describe.
With your eyes closed, feel each of these items and describe them, either in your mind or out loud. Make sure you continue to breathe as you quietly explore each one. Once you’re calm, you can open your eyes and put everything away.
Recap
Everyone experiences emotional distress, and no one knows it better than us folks with borderline personality disorder. Thankfully, there are exercises to help us ground and practice mindfulness, and all of these can be used as many times as you need throughout the day. These 5 techniques for emotional distress are the techniques I practice to maintain a healthy emotional balance and a positive mindset.
Invoke the wonder, command the power.